The peace and the stillness as the sun rose slowly over the top of the hill. My dining table, dancing in cool early light. I felt the world coming to life, and I was a delicious part of it.
I joined the 5am club today, and if that doesn’t seem amazing to you, you’d be right! It’s not THAT amazing – hundreds of thousands of people across the world, if not millions, all get up at 5am.
But this was amazing for me because for so long –
It was something I’d wanted. I NEEDED it! The girls are both easier and harder now all at once, and unlike most other entrepreneurs with kids in school, I don’t have the luxury of that time and space that is child-free to focus on my business.
Not even that – I don’t have that luxury of space that allows me to focus on, well, ME.
The me that comes when you’re not dissolving arguments, thinking up ideas for things to do, or observing casually from a distance – where I guess you kind of ARE thinking about business or life, or whatever is important to you, but you can’t actually be fully present because, well, you’re also in charge of human life. It’s a bit of a responsibility, even for a very free parent like I am 🙂
I was craving that space! But not only that – I do still have four hours a day MOSTLY child-free time to work, except when they are sick or arguing or just really want me – I was so curious!
I wanted to know what it felt like to be up with the sun. I wanted to know what the stillness of the morning felt like. I wanted to know what it was like to regain mastery over my body, actually, seeing as for so long it has been conditioned to sleep in!
Living this freedom life means the only time I’ve set an alarm in the last five years is when I needed to catch a flight! VERY occasionally I have 8am client calls, but even those I often take in bed with my morning coffee!
And I LOVE doing that and being able to do so! My whole life is built up exactly for this freedom, NOT having to be anywhere that anybody tells me to, waking up naturally with the light and the kids tumbling into my arms, I LOVE living this way and my body feels so good when I allow that sleep, that rest to creep into my bones but
I’d begun to feel restless. I’d noticed the entire time we were traveling, whether in France or Thailand or wherever we were, my evenings were sinking into the same routine – put the kids to bed, collapse on to sofa to watch something my life would DEFINITELY be complete without watching, after watching fiddle about on my phone doing not very much and staying up until I could no longer keep my eyes open, repeat.
I told myself once we got to Cyprus, had more of a base again, that I would feel settled, would be in more of a rhythm where I would start working a few evenings a week again just like I used to years ago when Rob was working full time and I was somehow managing to run a business, write books, and look after two babies full-time, and business was about squeezing every last drop out of every single minute in order to make it.
I remember even going to my own goddaughter’s birthday party after staying up all night to finish my book in time for my own self-imposed book deadline, and arriving at the party feeling so spacy and strung out that I just kind of fell face first into the cake pile, just to get the sugar necessary to not fall asleep standing up!
Every minute back then was precious, NOT that I would recommend to anyone working in that way but back then I even used to take pride in how superhuman I could be I guess!
But more recently, I’ve noticed that actually, I take more pride in the opposite. How much LIFE I could fit into every minute –
Except I knew, actually, I was kind of kidding myself even though YES to MOST people, aren’t our lives kind of magical? But really – I knew –
With those evenings sat doing what was essentially, nothing
And my mornings becoming SURE! a peaceful, beautiful blur of homeschooling and coffee and conversation, but still, essentially, nothing –
(the kids actually only do around ten minutes per day homeschooling, the rest is unschooling! But we will talk about that another day)
And what was really unfolding was that I would go to work at around 10am, finish up in my office at around 2, and then spending the rest of the afternoon feeling antsy because there was so much I still wanted to do!
NOTE – this is NOT about not believing in time expansion! I fully believe what needs to get done will be done in the time you have available to you, BUT I also believe you have to meet the universe at least half way and actually physically demonstrate to God that you are committed to your purpose and your outcomes in the way you say that you are!
And my actions
My lack mindset, the antsiness, the creeping feeling there was so much MORE available to me if only I could make space to allow it in
And my absolute refusal of it, instead crashing into Game of Thrones or whatever else was my escape of choice (haha so this is what you do when GOT is over, go back to purpose and living)!
All lead me down this route, this curious exploration of
What it would be like…
To be one of those people.
The 5am club. To get things done before the world is even awake. To make the most of all day every day!
And then just this weekend,
A discussion between me, Rob, one of my best girls
In which their opinion was the same as most people on the 5am club
I am NOT that person
I don’t care how much I would get done.
And I walked the dog
Looking at the pink blossom surrounding me (the island is stunning at this time of year by the way)
And I thought
In my head, to myself, about myself
But what if you WERE!?
And more than that
I asked myself
If I was the best version of myself
If I WAS the 7/8 figure biz owner, the super-present parent, the creative on fire, the philanthropist (ALWAYS my biggest vision)!
How would have gotten there? Who would I have become, how would I have changed, in order to become her and embody ALL that is available to me?!
And I knew
This life is full of so much I want to do, so much I want to become!
That of course
I would be that person
The 5am club member
In order to become her!
Allowing life in all its drops to come filtering in, flooding in
In the allowing of myself to rise up to meet it.
And what I saw in that moment, little white-wolf dog trotting alongside me
Was the way I had NOT been that person.
TELLING myself even – isn’t that what we do!? – we are not that person. That is not meant for us, too hard, don’t want it!
I’m a night owl, I hate early mornings, I don’t want to get up that early, I get too tired, I can’t focus that early, it takes me ages to get going in the mornings!
As it turns out
Just more excuses I was holding on to as to why I ‘couldn’t’ get up at 5am. NOTE – if you think this post is about getting up at 5am! You have to go back and reread the thing!
This is not about that, well in part it is but what I mean is this >
You see the ways we simply refuse the very things which we might NEED?! Let alone the things that are meant for us! And of course getting up at 5am made me super proud today, I did it, I overcame the BS I kept telling myself about why it was not possible for someone like me, QUEEN of the night owls!
But not that !
That I kept putting off something I actually really wanted
By telling myself it was not available for me
Sitting in the ease of my comfort zones
Here I am
Two coffees in
Sun still creeping over
Here I am
Writing to you
I AM THE PERSON WHO RISES AT 5AM, SEIZES THE DAY > SQUEEZES EVERY LAST DROP FROM THIS PRECIOUS LIFE WE HAVE BEEN GIVEN
And how often do we do that!?
Postpone that thing we really want
For the day, the moment we have more time, more money
Or by simply telling ourselves
Simply not available for someone like me!
Denial of your gifts and of the legacy you are born to inherit
Of course you can keep sitting there, and you know, you can fully enjoy that comfort zone!
It’s the place most people aim for after all
But people like you and I
We aren’t born to do the ordinary
We aren’t made to live life like they do
We are made to rise
(Early, with the sun, if you like)!
To do the things they refuse to
In a way they never could.
This is how empires are built
This is how dreams are made
When you are able to continuously look at not at who you are
But who you are BECOMING
And decide, simply,
Who is it you want to be!? Today, tomorrow, forever.
I made the CHOICE to get up today at 5, just like I always knew I could, but kept avoiding because, well, easier not to isn’t it?
Easier not to be that person
Easier to make up excuses and all the reasons for why you don’t have what you want yet
Maybe that’s it even, telling yourself that this is enough! LIke you should be content just as you are, content NOT growing or changing or shifting in any way
Just one more thing you’re telling yourself.
And as for getting up at 5am, and the how, well really, the how is just in the deciding. I didn’t go to bed early, plan anything in advance (though I realised maybe getting some clothes ready the night before might be an idea if I don’t want to break a limb wandering around in the dark trying not to wake everyone else up)! and the only thing I did differently was set an alarm on my phone. That’s it!
No special tips, techniques, tricks. Just one more choice, one more step closer into being the person I want to be.
After all, as you know- all this is-
Is a choice.
Isn’t it time for you to wake up and SEE just how much more is available for you!?