I had a little cry today
I’d been playing outside with my kids
Hanging a swing in the cedar tree,
Picking raspberries from the bushes
We came inside and ate fresh cheese and bread and local honey, a gift from sweet friends
And seeing the fridge for some reason made me all of a sudden remember
What it was like to go to a fridge that was empty.
Remembering childhood in a street where sure, everyone looked out for one another
But at the same time dear god did you learn to be street-smart
And I was thinking about really
How on earth I even made it out in one piece really, let alone live the life I do now
And I looked around at this chateau
I live in a freaking CASTLE
And I thought about not only how differently it could have all turned out
But also how damn proud I am of myself
Not just for me, but for my daughters
They will not know true hardship
They will not know houses that catch fire due to chip pans because that’s all people really could afford to eat
They will not know drug raids
Or cars being set fire to outside your house
Or as a child having to call the police because you thought that any minute the thing you loved most was about to be ripped away from you –
They will not know domestic violence or alcoholism (at least not while they’re kids but their path is theirs)
And I’m sat in the kitchen with the breeze sweeping over and through our land, bringing me back to the present moment
Tears filling my eyes and thinking both how just GLAD I am
But also, you know? You can do anything.
I would never change my past or where I’m from because without them I would never have learned not just to stay alive!! but also –
resilience, determination, and the absolute grit that can only ever be learned when you have no choice to wade through absolute sh*t day after day
And you still keep going because you learned from absolute super – mamas that one day you WILL create a different life
And I’m sharing this story – and even all my stories –
Because sometimes you need someone to show you that
Anything is possible for you
No matter where it is you’re at, you can create the change you wish to see
That wherever it is you’re at, you get the chance at any point to change it and choose something new
I used to DREAM of living in a castle as a kid
Not because I wanted to be a Disney princess
But because I knew I would be safe there
So of course! That’s where I ended up living
Because I knew one day I would.
And my daughters are safe here, held within these beautiful walls
But even this I know, will be time to let go of soon
Because the fear that got you to where you are now?
Isn’t what will get you to where you want to be or are going to next.
You need to choose new beliefs, a new story.
I don’t know what comes next (Or maybe I do…)
That story is yet to write.
But in the meantime I hope this story inspires anyone who reads it to know
That you can rewrite yours, any time you choose.