I had a conversation with a client last night (YES! On a SUNDAY, because I ditched the bullshit concept of ‘boundaries’ long ago when I realised true abundance probably doesn’t have, need or require boundaries – (how can it, logically if you think about it?)
She sent me a message around whether or not she should give away her work.
I mean – not literally in the terms of running a giveaway or an optin or anything like that. But as in terms of her paid programs – should she give away a place to someone who REALLY didn’t have the money to join, but who she just knew would really benefit from the program?
She REALLY wanted to help this person, who was just so lovely and supportive of everything she was doing! She is a top contributor in her programs, she shows up and likes all her stuff, and basically wins in every single area of ‘showing up’ – surely THAT energy of giving deserves the ‘reward’, if you like, or support in the best way you and I can – giving them the work of our heart + soul + purpose?
You’ve probably met this client too! Maybe they asked for a discount, maybe they really just don’t have the money, maybe they really ARE struggling and you really do want to help them because you are a good, kind person, and what is our business for, if we can’t help one another with it?!
I used to wonder if there was any point being in business if you couldn’t actually give your work away whenever you felt like it, to those most in need?
I’ve given away books, courses, programs, even 1:1 coaching for free – and that’s time I take away from spending with my KIDS to work 1:1 with that person/those people, for free.
Because I KNEW I could help them! I just knew that if only they could take what I’m giving them, and apply it, consistently, into their business – it could change everything for them!
and in your business – maybe your creative wizardry or skills or coaching or whatever it is you do and create, maybe you really COULD help them get the photography of their dreams on their wedding day, or help them lose weight and feel amazing, or help with their energy, or bring their company more $, or help them share their message, or whatever it is you do that you are amazing at –
But here’s what I learned, from doing this SO many times in business –
You can WANT to help someone all you like. You can give them EVERYTHING you do and show them how amazing it is! You can bend over backward to help this person BUT the thing is
and I know this is going to ruffle a few feathers –
if this person isn’t ready to commit in the area of MONEY
They aren’t, actually, committed at all.
Now, I know. But what about people who genuinely don’t have that money? Whose bills are screaming at them, who have to keep a roof over their head, who are working 24/7 as it is?
I KNOW. And yes I do feel a bit like an evil bitch for saying it actually, BUT
I’ve seen it time, and time, and time, and time. again.
People who shout about how ready they are
People who show up everywhere
People who probably ARE working their asses off and trying to make SOMETHING happen!
And maybe it will or maybe it won’t.
But what’s NOT going to help them and indeed might actually SLOW DOWN their results (did you stop to think about that)
is you, delaying the inevitable for them.
And what that inevitable is
Is that place where you get so furious
That place where you look at your life and decide you are so done with it being this way
So fed up of NOT living the life you are born to lead
So fed up of even being comfortable,
So DONE with it all
And yes maybe even entirely screwed in terms of how the rest of the world would think about it and scrabbling together pennies to eat or raiding the kids penny bank like I did on more than one occasion –
When you get to that place where you have NO CHOICE but to choose yourself
IN EVERY AREA
THEN somebody WILL change. THEN they will step into their personal power and take FULL responsibility for their life + choices – Or perhaps they won’t.
But your job is not to stand in the way of their experience. No matter how much you think you are ‘helping’.
And when that happens
That one, magical choice
To simply choose yourself –
It’s BREATHTAKING how the world THEN will rise up to meet you. And how somehow, you ‘find’ the money for that program, service, or thing you truly desire. And somehow, you keep on finding it! NOT that this is abundance, but abundance is never far away from FULL choice
And the thing is when you keep ‘helping’ someone who is NOT fully committed to helping themselves
And this could be in the area of money, or time, or love, -how many friends have you tried to ‘help’ with their relationship issues, yet somehow they still keep ending up with the ‘wrong’ guy –
and MONEY is the same, business is the same, giving away your art is the same
When you help someone in this way
You might be robbing them of the very experience needed to help themselves NOT to need your help in the first place.
Not only that but for you! When you help people in this way
What I have learned
over and over again is that sure!
Those vocal, enthusiastic people who show up and help everyone else in the group, 24/7
Or who are SO thankful for the discount or the free
Actually, later down the road, frequently and often DO turn out to be the biggest, pain in the ass ever!
not because they are actually a pain in the ass, but because energetically, they still haven’t committed to themselves fully and when you can’t commit you blame, and when you blame you tend to blame whoever is in the firing line, and that therefore becomes YOU, because you put yourself there!!!
My clients who have the MOST success, are actually those who have committed to themselves, over and over and over again
And like I told my client – you know, you and I were BOTH at points in our lives when we had nothing.
And at one point I remember selling my own clothing on ebay just so I could afford coaching
And she said – that’s how I paid for you too, at one point!
No wonder then, this year she has been one of my MOST financially successful clients but ALSO has a life of travel, creativity, massive impact AND has found the love of her life too!
Because she got to that place where she just decided I’m so done with this.
As did I.
And to rob someone else of the experience because of your ‘desire’ to help might NOT actually be the thing that they need, at all.
No matter how much they say and you believe it to be true.
So what can you do then?
1) Well, you can give it away for free, if you choose. But what free means is NO STRINGS ATTACHED. That you don’t, actually expect them to carry on contributing and showing up and being your number one supporter.
That actually, they still get the right to leave, quit, and not show up, be unhappy, etc, just the same as anyone else – and not be labelled with the weight of ‘but I GAVE this to her!’ because actually, that’s not free. It’s heavy energetically and again, will weigh down BOTH of your experiences.
So you give from that place of completely ‘no strings attached’ which actually IS pretty hard to do even if you think it’s not!
or 2) you can simply give her the stuff that IS energetically free – the stuff you always intended to be free, your free content! Which arguably should be so powerful that this should be enough to create impact on its own anyway, please don’t talk to me about cold clinical LEAD MAGNETS, your FREE should be transformative and impactful in its own right and enable them to get the same level of energetic result as if it WAS paid for – but for you, the energy around it has passed and is no longer intense so you are free to give it without expectation,
FINALLY 3) offer micropayments 🙂 I’ve built my business on offering lower installment plans and trust 🙂 and it enables someone to still make that commitment to themselves without feeling terrified they can’t make the payments they work from a place of fear, NEVER good energy!
And while we are on the subject of that though
I guess what I need to ask you is this.
In querying, deliberating, agonising over that discount, or thing that you want to give away, to genuinely ‘help’ that person
Are you truly honouring yourself?
Is this honouring the work you came here to do, the work you were put here for, are these thoughts, this conversation, filling you with good energy and excitement?
Because really, the fact that this is even a tough choice for you says exactly what you TRULY feel about it.
And what you truly feel beyond what you ‘should’ do, is the ‘right’ thing to do and all the other things we LEARNED to feel
That needs to be your guide, really, despite whatever I have to say about it 😉
And really, what you learn when you choose yourself and continue to keep choosing yourself
Is that the conversations like this are what keep you from living the life you’re born for.
Over time, conversations about the things never really feel good in the first place
Ten minutes here and there sprinkled innocently throughout your day like salt
slowly erode your focus, flow, and even your purpose
And this is where it all falls down and crumbles into the ocean
When you forget where your alignment to your inner greatness and power really lies.
*** If you truly believe you are made for more, then you are no longer available for conversations, even thoughts and feelings! that kept you who you were. ***
Your greatness does not lie in what you DO, for people, but in who you are, and how you choose to live.
So, if you’re ready for deeper abundance, impact, money, creativity, flow!
You have to be prepared to release ALL of the things you perhaps once considered a ‘good thing’
In order to be able to do much bigger, greater things.
Ready to do THAT, then?