I’m sat in a hotel in Auckland airport waiting for our flight tomorrow, after an incredible four days out on the most beautiful little farm you could imagine, complete with miniature ponies AND one of my besties –
It seriously was amazing and what’s more amazing is that she lives in Spain and we were able to meet here, on the other side of the world for wine and beach trips and belly laughing until we cried.
So I’m sat now in the bar, typing to you while wondering and marveling at this trip, just over four months in New Zealand! while MTV is on playing the best hits of like, the early 2000s and I’m kinda loving on J-lo and JT 😀
But really, what I’m thinking about is something one of my clients said to me yesterday. Last night I did my calls on the deck, watching the sun set over the hills, literally breathing in abundance and kinda being amazed all over again that this is my life, – well of course, I decided it would be but still! sometimes, often actually, because I make it a practice! – I’m feeling filled on gratitude –
And she asked me about time. How do I manage everything? How do I schedule everything? Is there some sort of process that I do or how do I keep track of everything?
I could feel this radiant woman, who is stepping fully into all she is meant for, one step in the ‘old’ camp, familiar fears and apprehensions just creeping in around the edges as she sees all that she is meant for rising up to meet her-
And all of a sudden
Like a rush
How do I DO!?! How do I do this
How do I manage
How do I cope
How do I schedule childcare
What do I do to get this done
And she asked me, don’t you ever really worry about what happens if you get TOO full? Like, how you would cope with everyone and juggling everything?
Like you could ever have too much abundance 😉 but I DO get it, it’s a common fear and YES
I DID used to worry. OR maybe, not worry so much, not that I ever felt worried, but I guess in the back of my brain I was, because I WAS super busy, and there NEVER seemed like never enough time!
Haven’t you felt that! Like this life is short, let alone the days, and there is so much to squeeze in and yes
That thing you fall in love with in the first place, that spark that lit the whole damn flame for your business, that energy of creation and capturing and helping and pouring your energy into this THING that you were creating, growing, building
You wonder how something this vast could ever truly be ‘manageable’
And then of course! It never is, is it?
I was so tired, literally tired within my bones
From looking after my two kids all day long
Squeezing in my business around the minutes of nap time
I would literally throw the children at Rob when he got in the door after work at 6pm and practically run upstairs to bolt myself into the tiny room we called an office
Never even contemplating the fact there could be another way for me to work, another way for me to live even
This was simply, life.
Not even what you ‘have to do to make it’ and all that sacrificing crap which makes you THINK it means you have to work yourself like a dog all hours of the day (which actually IS entirely unproductive for most of us anyway)!
not even that
It was just… normal. I didn’t even query it! It was just how we lived, how everyone around us lived, thriving on busyness and literally being this life and person who was there at everything AND was a good church going girl AND was an amazing mother AND ran my business AND tried to be a friend AND wife AND everything else
You just… do.
Had I stopped to look for just one second, perhaps
Stopped to breathe, NOT to slow down but just to reflect, because this was before I really learned to slide into flow and how easy it was to be able to look within for what was really happening, certainly before I learned to journal with any sort of practice or devotion –
I might not have liked what I saw.
Because what I learned, in the subsequent and very perhaps PREDICTABLE mental meltdown that followed, ok, not like a toddler style tantrum but very definitely my brain going into previously unchartered territories with birth-induced PTSD!
Was that BUSYNESS
Is egotistical, a reflection of self-worth, and perhaps also for some people
Absolute avoidance of the things that need to be seen, and spoken.
And you can keep refusing to look for as long as you like
But eventually, that mirror will smash all over you
And you’re left to look at what it is you avoided all along.
And for me that was in France
NOT that I had been busy up until that point! I was working the four hour work day, living the dream life, location free, working with dream clients BUT it was then I came to see that PTSD had followed me around lurking in the shadows for so long
That it too, was something I had come to know as just, well, normal!
And it’s only when I stopped to wonder at it
And where it came from
And what it meant
I realised that it HAD to come to be
It HAD to exist, back then
In order to save me from myself, really!
And the truly great / terrible thing about God and the Universe is
That if you don’t wake up and realise that actually, this was never your purpose or way to live all along
If you don’t, actually take conscious ownership and reign over your own life
Then it will be done for you.
Thy will be done, yes?
I realised that I had been gifted, if you like, that burnout that was PTSD, precisely because it puts you SO intensely into the present moment that I simply could NOT, any longer, use BUSYNESS as a support mechanism
A way to avoid, if you like, doing what ACTUALLY mattered to me
And had I just stopped earlier, for a second, instead of being too afraid I might not like what I was masking
SURE, I would have seen that actually
THIS business, this way of living – was NOT right for me! and perhaps never suffered with PTSD as a result – but, all for a reason.
But of course we avoid that confronting of our own selves, of our belief in our possibly to, actually, actively create our own reality – because our fear of what that might mean!
Because it would mean I had to confront my belief that this was the only way to live
I would have to confront that there might actually be ANOTHER way but first I’d have to stop acting, believing and thinking that THIS way
Was the only way!
Really – you have to be willing and ready to look at what you BELIEVE is normal – in order to make it not only entirely unacceptable to operate in this way, but also –
to create an entirely new ‘normal’, for you.
It took so much undoing, and so much work, to undo the superwoman syndrome. But I did it because eventually I got to that place where I was just done.
The same way illness, or breakdown, or extreme exhaustion, or just that overwhelming feeling that you are MADE FOR MORE (coincidentally, or not! the name of my latest program)! WILL, if you do not consciously choose, force you to anyway at some point.
But here is what sits on the other side of your fear
That place where there is ALWAYS enough time.
I NEVER worry when something is done, or not!
I NEVER worry about when it is going to be finished. I never even think about whether I’ve missed a deadline or not, as entirely irresponsible as that sounds!
I certainly don’t plan or structure my work in any way beyond ‘Rob, I’ll work this morning. Do you want to do this afternoon, or shall we go to the beach?’
And why –
Because what happens when you let go of Time
And stop holding on to it like it’s some finite resource
Is that you have all the time in the world to do any and everything you need
Simply because you stay anchored in what you desire, the knowledge that what you want is coming regardless of anything you can DO to ‘get’ it!
(or, something better is coming instead)!
And so you let go of when something ‘should’ be done
Or how you ‘should’ work
or how many hours a day even or when your work time ‘starts’ and ‘ends!’ isn’t energy endless, infinite!?!
And the thing is how every much TIME you sink into your business is entirely irrelevant.
Sure, you can work and work and work and MAYBE get somewhere, but what’s certain is that within all the time restricting, squeezing every inch of the glorious, voluptuous you that wants to spill out everywhere into timed minutes and forced appointments and the supermarket / school / coffee dates
What’s certain is that you are ALSO going to be restricting your abundance in ALL areas. If I’ve learned anything is that true purpose work runs so deep in the river of your life is that you CAN’T separate work from play, not really, and so if you think you can restrict all of your time and days and cross your calendar off in perfect little squares and NOT suffer some sort of restriction in your results!
Even if that’s your marriage falling apart
Or your health crumbling
Think again. Restriction is restriction.
So if you’re feeling too busy, or like you might be so
Here’s what you choose instead,
Time and time and time 😉
You choose that.
You choose absolute certainty and trust so often that it’s not even choice any more! It’s just entirely…
Normal. For you to accept that what you get will be done and received by you anyway, regardless of anything you COULD ‘do’ for it, other than follow the call into pleasure, joy, and expression of your gifts.
And how to shift your belief of time expansion then?
Again – it’s about trust! It’s always, always about trust.
Trusting that what feels good for you today to do IS the thing you should be doing
Trust that you can stop when it no longer feels challenging in that exciting, expansive, kind of way
Trust that everything will be done exactly as it is meant to
Trust in your destiny, really!
And you can ask in your journal what it would mean, or look like for you
to start trusting in time expansion
or what it would BE like, even, for you to NOT work 24/7 or in that restrictive way and choose to trust instead
That everything will be done in your time,
The time that feels good,
The energy and time of challenge, the pleasure of the push, yes! of course –
From a place of deprivation and denial!
Because when you do that?
You’re just denying yourself the reality of what you want.
So I guess the question for you today
Are you choosing restriction, or are you choosing expansion?
The choice is yours…