Yesterday I had this kind of minute of weird, frozen fear. Of course, what it came down to was what it always comes down to for me, anyway –
Fear of losing it all. In fact that fear caused everything around 18 months ago to come tumbling down around me – where my marriage splintered, my business dropped massively – all because I’d got to that place in my head where – wow.
I live in a CASTLE
My clients pay me to travel the world and work with them
I stay only 5*
I live this kind of frankly weird life that not too many people really get or understand at least in the ‘real’ world (but obviously those who get it get it totally)
I had an amazing marriage and relationship with my kids who went to this entirely beautiful hippy school in the mountains
My work is having impact in the exact way it was always meant to –
And it all felt too good to be true! So of course it became so- and I sabotaged and fell backwards so quickly it was a wonder I was still standing at all!
But of course, you know 😉 we get back up again just as fast, winded though I was!
And I felt the exact same moment yesterday – just for a fraction of a second – where I DID do my purpose work, DID write the book, and still felt it again
After having the best fortnight in business I’ve had for ages
Milan retreat sold out
Another client inviting me down to Florence for a 1:1 day
Group retreat sold out with EVERYONE I invited of course wanting it
Flash sale that I forgot to send any emails for selling lol as if by magic
My talk last week in front of 100 people couldn’t have gone much better
Brand new clients coming into my exclusive High Level Transformation Program
My new book writing itself almost!
Literally, working with dream clients all day everyday day in day out!
And part of me just had that LITTLE waver that went ARGH…. don’t deserve. TOO good!
Well then of course that stays with you
So what happened? Well of course
I did write the book
So I told myself I’d done the soul work
Avoided doing any more and sharing any more of it!
Convinced it was enough to do my work and hide away from the rest.
That feeling where showing up
Feels like a push or an effort
Well then of course it will be!
And like a crime you keep yourself and your gift wrapped up
Drying out and withering like an old painting in an attic
Despite all the love, energy and intention poured into it
Sits there rotting regardless.
Simply because what you wrote, created or felt or made or whatever it was that poured through you
You felt was not ‘ready’ to deliver.
Of course it genuinely might not be ready!
The muse not done with you yet
In which case
Show us a snippet
Of your soul!
Or you could give us everything all day everyday, the end
But at the very minimum
At the very least
Doesn’t your audience deserve at least the MINIMUM!?
A seduction dance for them!
Don’t you think it’s actually mildly – or a lot-
SELFISH of you to hide away
That thing you’re burning for!?
What the rule followers forget
Is this DANCE
That comes in the performance of it all
In fact isn’t the performance
Your artistry anyway?
That sneak peek you could choose to give us
That glimpse of what you’ve got coming up
That little snippet of what you’re working on and in
It’s part of the show anyway!
I watched Dita Von Teese once in her full burlesque glory
Erupt into a martini glass
As the absolute finale of her show
But she certainly didn’t OPEN like that!
In fact I don’t remember the build-up at all.
I only remember the frenzy and the excitement
The deepest of joy and connection
At seeing a true Queen of her craft deliver.
Because that was what we had been waiting for
And you – burning for that moment
When you get to have that impact!
That moment when you get to touch, transform, reach and light lives for our brief moment in the spotlight, not of course in that sordid X-factor style circus
But in that point when our work becomes truly vast and impactful
It doesn’t happen in one big burst! or it might do
The build up
The art of the tease, if you like.
The glimpses of you, your work, who you are.
And you want to hide away your very gifts and creations because they aren’t ready or perfect enough!?
Maybe you’ve forgotten then
The delicious dance of the feminine
And that to tease IS to lead! the dance.
But instead, you chose stage fright and fear
Believing somehow your work is not ready
You, not ready
Not perfectly scripted
Like true seduction, the ART of seduction, could also be PLANNED?
Like true artistry isn’t something that every just flows through you!?
Last week I spoke in front of 100 women
Headlining the event!
I got there to find… nowhere to put my notes!
Twenty minutes of time to fill and of course I hadn’t included ‘slides’ lol and now … nowhere to put notes… all of those questions and planned ways to engage the audience
All of it and no way to do it other than to carry my notes around and read out loud like a kid in a school play
What will you do, when it’s all eyes on you, your turn?!
So I found a quiet space
And literally stood, palms heavenward
I asked God, and the energies of the Universe to help me deliver the exact message somebody there needed to hear. That it would impact everyone who needed to hear the message.
I stood up when called
And it just flowed!
I flowed, me who used to be entirely terrified of public speaking, me who bottled out on my Ted talk because I was literally too afraid to do it, so worried about being long and rambly
And it WAS long
and it WAS rambly
Several people came up to me afterwards
And more on social media since
To thank me for changing their life.
You will always flow like water
And your job is NOT to lock it down or to keep it under wraps!
But to dance with it
+ let people watch the dance
Hold back on sharing those first intimate steps
Those vulnerable moments when the first beats of the music begin to play for you
Then you’re pressing pause on the life that you’re born for,
and those that you are born to impact
Are still stood, waiting for you to show.
When you do, though
THERE you find that fun, freedom, flow you’ve been waiting for!
But it rarely finds you first.
So if you want more of that?
You’re going to have to show up for the dance.
With what you have
Dance the dance of the sacred feminine WITH your bursting masculine in perfect harmony
Dancing with your purpose like you are bubbles in the glass
Keep waiting on that one perfect strategy
That one thing that you CAN do
That one platform you can master and THEN
You’ll make it in that way you want.
So to find freedom
on the regular
like you expected it to be
You must know this.
Success is nothing but a dance
That you keep showing up for
Over and over and over again
Regardless of whether the stage,
Or the lighting,
Or the divine timing is right.
You just choose to dance regardless
For all of us
Dancing for yourself, that sheer exhilaration and feeling of weightlessness that comes
When you leap
or press post
or whatever else it is that’s your brand of flight.
So can you then?
Give us the glimpses
The graces of the moonlight and magic
The traces of the work
And maybe you will come to realise
The seduction, the teases
ARE the work itself.
Your sheer magic, mastery –
It’s all One, after all.
Better take the stage now then.